What If Candy Was Made Of What It Was Named?

Actual fingers made of butter. Also: Disgusting.

At birth, all children named Ruth are harvested for candy and their families paid for their labor. In the same vein- “Sour Patch Kids.”

Derisive laughter wouldn’t sell very well.

Would you eat a person if he was delicious?

The economy would collapse!

This is just an oxymoron.

See above.

Everytime you tried to eat it, Reese would take it back.

Baby foxes and normal cats! Delish.

This would just be a bag of nothing. Because that is not a word.

Any other comical ones I’m forgetting? Or not caring about?

Tonight my mp3 player said that after it played “Hey Man (Now You’re Really Living,)” by Eels, that the next song would be “Hey Man (Now You’re Really Living,)” by Eels. Welcome to the worst shuffle function in all of history.