My roommate, (and sadly, not lover,) Norman informs me that he has to leave the room for an extended period of time.

Me: You can’t go…
Norman: What? Why?
Me: Who’s gonna help me if I fall in the shower?
Norman: .. Okay, are we gonna be that couple? Where we’re both 70 and I want to go outside to run and play, and you manipulate me? And say, “But I don’t know how to turn on the stove!”
Me: Yeah, actually I won’t be letting you go outside to run and play when we’re 70 because you won’t have turned into a dog. You’ll be like “LEMME RUN AND PLAY” and I’ll be like “noooo you’ll break a hip” and you’ll say “STOP MANIPULATING ME”

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