Bill Burr, “Ordering A Sandwich”

For someone attempting to build his future with a joke scaffolding, I’m stupid ignorant when it comes to stand-up comedy. (And also people are more shocked by the movies that I haven’t seen than interested in the ones I have, but that’s another captioned Youtube clip for another day [The Godfather, Apocalypse Now, Paul Blart, there].) Over the past three-or-so years a lot of my good buddies have independently called me a “fucking idiot” for not trying stand-up. Also, I’ve recently realized that I can write myself silly (or sad, as it were) and even get paid for it… But in order to meet people, I have to perform. (yeah friends, suck on that, i claim all responsibility for my decision and your kind words meant nothing nyaanya)

So I’m doing that soon! And you won’t hear shit about it because I’m not inviting anyone to see me for quite some time as my friends will not be privy to my onstage collapses and nerve-farts (more than they already are)! But I do need to educate myself in the meantime, and so I’ve watched a good amount of Bill Burr tonight— a name I know but could not place to any material I’ve heard. I don’t dislike his comedy, but I also don’t enjoy it, and I feel like this very short clip encapsulates why.

He’s pissed off because he goes to a sandwich shop and the employee directs him to the free-standing mayo where Burr can apply it himself. His argument is “This dumbass working at the Subway won’t do the full job that I’m paying him to do.” But the mayo was separated from the sandwich counter because it’s cost-effective for the company, not cause people are lazy. So my reaction (in my voice in my head) is “maybe Burr should try actual restaurants, where you pay more so that people will put the mayo or, hey, anything they have available in the kitchen, aka infinitely more options, on your sandwich for you.” Because what he’s doing is finding the fault in the system and blaming the little guy for it, and it honestly makes me a tiddle squeamish, same as with other comics that employ rage and never temper it with love.

I know I have angry thoughts like that, but I try to catch myself in those moments, as it calms me and, of course, attacking myself is what’s funniest to me; “seriously Brian? you’re pissed off because this guy won’t put mayo on your sandwich? well with all the fuckin mayo you love to guzzle i guess you can’t lean those mayo-tubes you call legs on the gas pedal and motor your Rascal across the Subway, hammering into the wall until the mayo bottle wobbles off the counter and tumbles into your mouth, half-sticking out like you’re a first-time bong user.”

I’m not gonna pretend that’s funny but need I remind you that the whole point is that I can’t even make a joke out of tiny hate like Burr does because I don’t know how. And it’s not like he’s terrible for it, I’m simply exploring what comedy means to me and why his anger bothers me and how i will use it in my own stan *i float away on some rainbows and clouds still rambling to myself*

edit: I’m glad I didn’t suppose too much that he’s not self-aware

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