Kneel Gorsuch

For the Left-inclined folks out there that watch his nomination process, shrug, and say “Welp, Gorsuch ain’t so bad,” here’s some strategy that shouldn’t be beyond comprehension for anyone who thinks themselves House-of-Cardsian enough to vote strategically for Clinton (rather than voting for what they believe in ahahahahah sorry i just wish that argument wasn’t gone because it was so fun and never tired or old hat anyways moving on- please don’t stop reading):

It’s not our responsibility to let anyone off the hook in the name of civility. In fact, it’s harmful to our goal of progressive utopia. If we’re thinking strategically, as my fellow Leftists demand of you & I so often, then the people who should possibly be civil are our politicians. Since they’re playing a game that they’re practiced in, and the country’s not on the verge of a military coup or something, ᵒʳ ᵃʳᵉ ʷᵉ maybe there’s no need for them to stonewall the hell outta Gorsuch and stage hunger strikes and lay their bodies behind his car’s rear tires so that he’s stuck in his driveway like a total putz. I do not know what’s best in politics, I’m not a politician.

But that takes a weight off our shoulders.

Besides direct action like voting or being elected or storming the Bastille to hang the plutocrats, there is only the discussion. We get to dissect and antagonize and rant as much as we please. Political discourse is discourse. It’s the talking. And that’s all we got.

But that’s valuable when the core of this conflict between the Left and the Right (as far as I can tell, given that this is a huge sweeping statement with no particular evidence, but what I’ve gathered and coalesced over my lifetime, here’s where some trust comes in) is: Nature vs. Nurture. “Everyone is capable of anything with effort” vs. “Not until they encounter the problem that is the biological function of their own brains.” This is THE Gordian Knot. I’d love exceptions, but it def feels like any field of study can be reduced to puzzling over this humdinger of a ???. Religion speaks right to it too. We’ve been doing this for centuries, and no point of datum, no thousands of data sets, can resolve it. There’s too much evidence for either side, and too much room in the middle. You can hold the simultaneous beliefs that people can teach themselves valuable skills and someday exchange the performance of those skills for money but also that the same people do not deserve to die of an infection at 25 because a cat scratched them and “with all these bootstrappy classes i’m paying to take, who can afford gauze these days? oh no im bleeding out.”

So this conflict between America’s two political forces can’t be won by science. This is a battle of hearts, not minds. Like we aren’t going to whip up an irrefutable equation that the Left is better than the Right. “Errm according to my calculations, Democrats average a 258 Pure Soul score, while Republicans just manage 207” nope nope not happening.

Though we do have to use science to prove what works at changing hearts! Well… Coercing hearts. torturing the hearts into doing your bidding

We know advertising, as a concept, works. Propaganda falls within that field– it is also a thing that works. There is a social aversion to both that keep them in check, so it’s not like a single entity can just bombard populations with a message over and over until they’re forced to accept it. ᵒʳ ᶜᵃⁿ ʸᵒᵘ

BUT when was the last time you saw an advertisement that gave an inch?
“Come on down to Swollen Jim’s Mattress Shoppe! Since 1983, we’ve lived by our slogan: ‘I only have two mattresses for sale!'”

When was the last time propaganda hedged its message?
“Join The Army: The Medics Are Really Well-Trained”

Want the best example ever? Remember the ads for the Marines where the soldier fought a LAVA COLOSSUS with a SWORD? Regular tv ads have to feature small print or a manic recitation of side effects, this one might as well have featured screen-length font reading “KILLING SHIT IN REAL LIFE? IT’S ACTUALLY A VIDEO GAME. NOBODY SUFFERS, ESPECIALLY NOT YOU.” (I’m not linking it because I’m not going to subject you to propaganda, considering propaganda works. Ain’t I a sweetie~?)

If we want to warm someone’s heart into beating the same rhythm as ours regarding healthcare, the environment, welfare, equality, needs & wants and what’s deserved & what’s earned, we have to stick to what works, which is absolute unbending pressure behind our message.

You can even imagine it, a conversation stripped of all intellectual pretense.
Roger says “I like the Republicans.” Danny says “Shut up, you’re wrong.” Roger: “No, you shut up, you’re wrong.” Okay— impasse. How does anyone come out on top? A teammate arrives.
Roger: “Shut up, you’re wrong.”
Danny & Dolores: “Shut up, you’re wrong”
Roger: “Shut up, you’re wr-“
Danny & Dolores & Derrick & Debbie: “Shut up, you’re wrong.”
Roger: “sh. . sh”
A lot of D: “Shut up, you’re wrong.”
[Exeunt Roger to woods, where he lives alone, ashamed, forever]

Shame is so powerful! If it wasn’t we would all be masturbating all the time. Feeling as though he’s being kicked tf out of society is gonna either make Roger change his mind or get kicked tf out.

But maybe Roger’s squad shows up. And they have their own #squadgoals. The sides build and build in number until they consist of the population of the United States. With such an overwhelming hypothesis, which one wins? How do we possibly know which unified voice ends up drowning out the other at the grand conclusion of this all-consuming screambattl—


We have a message and it needs to be the loudest. I’m uncertain of the best way to convey the message. The scale ranges from “kys trump and kin and all trumpkins” to “I have sixteen sourced research studies, each conducted impeccably. Read them all and you’ll be convinced.” You do you.

But if the goal of those actions and any in between is empowering our message until it seems as inevitable as divine mandate, the only silencing or refutation of that message comes from internal naysayers.

Which brings us back to Gorsuch, and the moderates’ points in his favor, which can be reviewed from the position I’ve described.

“Reagan named a supreme court justice and he didn’t turn out so awful” first off: it was awful considering the alternative is anyone you can imagine who would be better. It’s awful to not get what you want from the world you live in when we have the capability and resources to make it any measure easier. It’s fucking awful and unfair and there’s no reason life should be like this. Don’t talk down to yourself. (I’ll do it for you, obvs.) Secondst off, who cares? I will remember your advice when I next stumble down a timetube into the 1980s. (no i won’t, like they didn’t even have spotify or cars back then, i would throw myself in front of a horse-and-buggy if that happened)

“He will probably have rulings I disagree with” why not disagree with all of them? They will never be perfect. Ginsberg and Sotomayor ain’t perfect (though they’re closer). Until our world is perfect, disagree with every ruling that doesn’t elevate us, and demand more from the ones that do. Why not? What do you stand to lose by demanding the things you want? At worst, you don’t yet get the things you want. What do you stand to gain? … The things you want.

“He’s intelligent and civil. There’s no denying he’s fit for the job.” Counterpoint: sociopaths can be intelligent and civil. These are not hallmarks of any sort of moral or character or soul. He is not fit for the job because he is not perfect. Find me perfection and I’ll quit whining; until then, we have rhetorical work to do and the sleeves remain rolled up. Oh, and Gorsuch is neither intelligent or civil. He stands behind corporations over people (the opposite of civil) and he made this decision himself (the opposite of intelligent).

“Save your energy for the next round of protesting” what?? you don’t need to tell people to save their energy. When people run out of energy, they stop without your say-so. No one feels proud of it, so they do it in private, watching TV or whatever, so you can’t prove that folks are even capable of running out of energy. We may all have massive energy reserves that we still don’t tap because maybe every single human is a lazy bag of meatslush & dreams & shame (Nature vs Nurture!!! omg). Who knows? So just never say this again, the advice has no positive effect and may have a negative one.

All of the quoted comments above strengthen the opposition’s message. Fuck that: don’t stop being an advertisement for what you believe in. You’re Coke and they’re Pepsi. Why say anything that could give them market share? Especially when our drink tastes like grape socialism and theirs tastes like the corpses of the poor thawing out on the sidewalks as winter snowbanks finally melt into spring aka LaCroix

I get that what I’m suggesting is unnatural behavior. These tactics don’t lend themselves to good conversation. People might accuse you of an intellectual blind spot. Good. They’ve already lost. We’re going to win. ᵒʳ ʷⁱˡˡ ʷYES. WE’RE GOING TO WIN

tl;dr You can only bring people to your cause with individual communication and understanding of others’ humanity plus the unceasing support from and collaboration with your community. Everything I’ve described above is rooted in empathy and non-violence. Namaste.

[This post is sponsored by Coke, Pepsi, Spotify, Horse-And-Buggies LLC, Swollen Jim, and anger]

how to improve your writing while still fucking around on the internet all day

1. start a twitter
2. think a cool unboring thought, as you do daily already
3. if the thought is longer than 200 characters, post it on facebook
4. if it’s shorter than that, winnow it down to 140 characters and post it on twitter
5. don’t crosspost
that’s it. you’re automatically expanding on thoughts that deserve it while delivering pithy ones with precision. i’d like to think these are both important to practice for your whole writing life.
as a fun aside, you’re contributing to a social media landscape wherein facebook contains more ruminations from friends & life updates & a community based on the larger-scale discussion that we clearly all yearn for there. (why else argue dreaded politics?) meanwhile, twitter further grows into a source of content with creators at arm’s length from what’s consumed: you aren’t there to keep in touch (grandma aint on it), you’re there to blast out bon mots and cackle at others’.
they’re different platforms that function best for different purposes and i believe that if everyone in the world had both a facebook and twitter account that they posted on daily, the landscape i’ve described above would shake out this way organically.

February 2017

This one is like all over-processed, digital sugarbeats up until the last two songs, which are, in turn, straight-forward indie rock and then possibly the quietest, slowest song ever playlisted by me in my monthly series. A RARE GEM INDEED

Feb 17


Also March is going to be huge. Seems to happen this way every year?

Each scandal of the Trump presidency is crystallizing what it takes to oust him.

Once more, Trump tells us that what could very well be an act of malfeasance is actually a silly mistake— Sessions “could have stated his response more accurately, but it was clearly not intentional.” Whoopsie-daisy, Baby Jeffy did an uh-oh!

It’s the same timbre of a friend of yours asking you for the benefit of the doubt. And it works for his constituents. If your friend admits to human error, you typically let it slide, right? “Ah, sorry, forgot that I owe you $20. I’ll have it next time!” Sure, okay. The fact that we bro down will probably always be worth more than that $20. It’s important to have friends, and so they get leeway. Authority figures, like cops, schoolteachers, politicians— they get (and obviously deserve!) less.

But if George W. Bush was the president you could drink a beer with, Trump is the president you get drunk with. His fans have already done just that, weekly, seasonally, on their sofas in front of The Apprentice. He’s their friend, the same way we watch the Kardashians and insist we’d be instant bffs upon meeting (I’m def changing my name to “Krian”), the same way I watch Parks and Recreation with the assurance the ensemble would hate me (no wait i should probably go with “Crian”)— we get really personal with the characters we enjoy, and never has a president held such a “personal” connection with his intended audience and key demos. And how do they take it?

Mr. Sessions forgot TWO meetings with a single Russian? That’s nothin. Hell I’ve forgotten at least three job interviews this year!
*wedges chaw in gumline*
Sometimes I even “forget” to pay my tab at the Waffle House!
*guffaws, shoves chaw nugget in nostril*
Them boys’re just doing the best they can up there in the White House. Lord knows I’d have a tough time of it, and I’m the smartest one in this whole holler!
*stores a loaded handgun within easy reach of his twin toddlers: Jenkem Jr. and Big Pup*
Yep us three are the only ones who ain’t trickled away yet after the perpetual coalfire kicked off in the mine 60 years ago. The last’a Centralia!
*tear ducts leak a dipspit & Dew slurry*
anyway i’m unemployed because Obummer executive ordered it. rail me trump-daddy

I’m not sure how this relationship lends itself to new strategy for the opposition. I just think we’ll see, again and again, requests for us to forgive the Trump administration for human error, even though we really really really really need our president to be better than all of us. Our president should be inhuman in her perfection.

It’s great that Sessions recused himself, I didn’t expect anything to come of his Russia revelation.
But in order to be convincing and not just an obstruction, we gotta prove willful malevolence. Anything else looks like drama-fueled nitpicking from another clique across the lunchroom, an attack on semantics meant to be heard by people who are more likely to make a joke about semen-tics than listen to you. We need to find Trump’s secret Burn Book and then paste photocopies up and down the hallway lockers for all the rubes to see. Nothing else will drive a wedge into the bonhomie between prom king and pals.

until they begin dying off in droves without healthcare or money or food or compassion and get a lot less Mean Girls and a lot more Carrie 😈