(I’m going to lift the point of this essay wholecloth, so you really should read it.)

On a week seeing attempts at rehabilitation of war hero (as in he’s a hero to wars for always supporting them) John McCain and candy-man George W. Bush, I was lucky enough to read about Samar Hassan. She’s pictured above. During the Iraq war, her parents were gunned down in front of her because dad was thought to be a suicide bomber. He was driving a little fast, after all. The photo captures the immediate aftermath.

Samar Hassan was interviewed for a 2017 documentary. Then eighteen years old, she was asked how she would reply if men like McCain and Bush told her they were sorry. She says:

I will never forgive them. I will just leave it to God. God will punish them. If they were in front of me, I would want to drink their blood. Even then I wouldn’t be satisfied.

 

Doja Cat, “Mooo!”

Is she rebranding herself? Is she Doja Cow now? She disavows cats in the chorus. She does not meow.

I love this so much because it’s so fully fleshed-out by one person in a bedroom. The question she asked herself is “if I was a cow, how would I own it?” “Time to re-purpose Luda and Kelis with a bovine twist.” From there, she said “I have a laptop and a green screen, how do I film the music video?” “Let me look in my closet for cow-like, farmer-ish outfits.” “Order a burger? Sure, I’m hungry!” And she floats through it all with her charisma and confidence. “Bitch, I’m a cow” never felt so powerful. Been lowing “mooo” all day in both positive and negative tones.

If you haven’t seen her leading single “Go To Town” yet, you might as well. Props for the Cyriak clip that crops up too.

Darren Bader, “Lasagna on Heroin” (2012)

He’s injected the lasagna with some horse. It’s tempting but frightening. Comical and brutal. The lasagna is made more valuable, but consuming it would be a self-destructive act. Art, baby! I first read about Bader here.

The New York Times, “Face Tattoos Go Mainstream”

I’ve spent about three weeks telling friends that by the next generation, face tattoos are going to be acceptable. They all scoffed. Good news: I trust old-ass newspapers when it comes to trends more than I do my same-aged friends.

Let’s cover some options:

The Duplitat, meant to confuse and ward off attackers.

Bregashi 7evenZer0, because Tekashi 6ix9ine has 69 tattooed on his body sixty-nine times and I can’t let him win.

Pride Day, because sometimes a Facebook filter just isn’t enough.

Ponce Lyfe, which, unfortunately, I have to wait until he dies before getting it inked. And he will never die, so…

ANTS AAAAANNNNTTTSSSSS

A tattoo I’m taken with by Brandon David from Ink & Dagger in Georgia.

This is what I think a tattoo should be. If it must include cultural bits & bobs like Snorlax, then do more then a facsimile. Make that Snorlax your Snorlax, because you’re you and you appreciate this world for different reasons than the person on the bus ogling your tight tat. I assume this one’s bearer loves the outdoors, and so we end up with the digital vs. the natural, the cartoonish vs. the realistic, sleep vs. activity– a universe borne on the tummy of a cute behemoth. What happens when he wakes?

Look at how much is going on in this tiny black-and-white tat!