my friends: “brian if you’re feeling restless you should try podcasts, it’s like having funny coworkers”

me: *turns on 9/11 episode of Last Podcast On The Left, stares into middle distance for much of the workday, broken*

my friends: “brian are you familiar with white noise”


Two weeks from now, I’m visiting New York for the first time in five years. I intend to make a solo trip to the National September 11 Memorial & Museum. Is it perverse to admit that I’m motivated by experiencing whatever feelings well up while standing on the site of a historic, globally-recognized atrocity? Not sure I’ve done any sightseeing at one of those before. Tourrerism.

Exiting my car at the sidewalk, a man sitting on some nearby stairs said “you look so kind!” I said “I try,” but it was hard to hear over the sound of my heart bursting. I think it was my sunshine yellow shirt what tricked him so.

Leaving the office, my boss’s housekeeper offered her traditional “be careful,” but this time she poked her head from around the corner and gave me the “I’m watching you” double-fingers. Is this yet criminal menacing?

On a flight several days ago, I sat next to a woman who held a pillow in her lap during take-off. I looked over about twenty minutes later and she had nodded off sitting up, neck at a 90 degree angle to her shoulders. The pillow remained on her lap. I reached up and turned off her reading light—the plane fell dark. Hers was the only light on.

I was stunned to remember that when I was fifteen years-old I once fit my twenty favorite songs on one disc as a mixtape for myself and others. Seeing as I’ve lived a whole second teenage lifespan, I’ve heard at least twenty more perfect songs. I’m not sure any can delete the others. A mixtape of my classics is no longer possible. It’s a five-disc set by Rhino.

I need to keep a list of what triggers Alexa, as a TV character saying “well, fuck, that sucks,” is the latest and likely greatest.

There’s a college in Alabama called Samford University and if you are a student, that must be difficult information to share with people. “Stanford! Tree-mendous.” “Samfor-” “Because of the tree.” “In Ala-” “Calafornia, correct!”

I got to see a hawk swoop down on a smaller bird from about ten feet away today. Hawk missed. Looked clumsy as hell. Now I feel less fearful of them circling me.

While pulling a beer from my fridge, I looked at my cat and said “Poncey: it’s on-cey.” We’ve been roommates for four years and I’ve never said this before. It was right there all along.

Leaving work today, the housekeeper saw me off with a “Goodbye, be careful!” as she usually does. But before the door closed, I heard “Brian!” And turned back.
“Be careful of, ah-…” She tried to find the words. And she did.
“Beautiful women!”
I told her she had nothing to worry about, they weren’t a threat to me.