Kotaku, “Ninja Should Stream With Women”

Yes, obviously Ninja should stream with women. His excuse–that inviting a woman onto his stream will bring about an avalanche of gossip–is a weak one; as a public figure, there’s already gossip. It’s not as though the situation will be more toxic for it, merely a different flavor of toxic.

But I’m linking this more to discuss his handle. How can you allow yourself to rise to the peak of gamefame and still go by Ninja? Was it selected when he was twelve? Does he know it can be changed? I’d be loathe to give up “FMchubs,” everyone knows this; but by god, it’s mine, it’s not a noun that could be strung into a “versus” title with zombies, pirates, robots, etc. “Ninja” has the slightest tinge of appropriation, of a man aspiring to be that which he isn’t, on the back of not only physical capability and training, but of culture. He wasn’t raised in a country that has ever developed ninjas. “Darkflame” is preferred, or “Excalibur,” or “Mercenary.” “Peasant,” “Nutsack,” I can come up with preferred names all day. Of course the number one Fortnite player is also its most basic.

Jalopnik, “When Are We Going To Address How Paul Walker Had Relationships With Underage Girls?”

Here’s the story.

I think it’s important to de-normalize (“aberrize?”) men lusting after teen girls. It’s too normal. And the fact that this story only slides under the lens after Walker’s death is shameful. His girlfriends’ age was reported in In Touch Weekly while he was still alive; what did the readers think at that time? Did any of them write in? If so, were their reactions published?

And ultimately, do we call him a pedophile? I think this grey area exists because we’re scared to brand people as pedophiles when they aren’t abusing a child younger than 13. But then ephebophilia has been co-opted by those who seek to defend behavior like Walker’s. I guess he’s just a predator, huh? And yet that seems too soft, given men–myself included–are predators.

The New York Times, “Face Tattoos Go Mainstream”

I’ve spent about three weeks telling friends that by the next generation, face tattoos are going to be acceptable. They all scoffed. Good news: I trust old-ass newspapers when it comes to trends more than I do my same-aged friends.

Let’s cover some options:

The Duplitat, meant to confuse and ward off attackers.

Bregashi 7evenZer0, because Tekashi 6ix9ine has 69 tattooed on his body sixty-nine times and I can’t let him win.

Pride Day, because sometimes a Facebook filter just isn’t enough.

Ponce Lyfe, which, unfortunately, I have to wait until he dies before getting it inked. And he will never die, so…

ANTS AAAAANNNNTTTSSSSS

The New York Times, “An Extremely Detailed Map of the 2016 Presidential Election”

Oh christ I’m half-staff at this map. Gimme that granular data. I don’t even care about what they’re trying to show me, I’m tracking down precincts where like 8 people voted for Trump and 5 for Hillary. Could move there and make an actual difference, change the world. Combine this with Google Streetview. Show me the houses and color them red and blue. I’m an explorer.

EDIT: “Brian what are you rambling on about now, how could you possibly find anything interest-” motherfucker i just uncovered the dark truth that 80% of the Area 51 aliens voted for Trump, how was your Friday evening with wine and friends you cur

area51 vote