Sent this to most of my friends so now it’s time to send it to the internet.
Modern Day LA Legend
Heroic deeds for dark times.
Google Translate of the title: “I Tried To Kill the Gold Lynel in One Turn with the Seven Sword Style Boomerang”
Is she rebranding herself? Is she Doja Cow now? She disavows cats in the chorus. She does not meow.
I love this so much because it’s so fully fleshed-out by one person in a bedroom. The question she asked herself is “if I was a cow, how would I own it?” “Time to re-purpose Luda and Kelis with a bovine twist.” From there, she said “I have a laptop and a green screen, how do I film the music video?” “Let me look in my closet for cow-like, farmer-ish outfits.” “Order a burger? Sure, I’m hungry!” And she floats through it all with her charisma and confidence. “Bitch, I’m a cow” never felt so powerful. Been lowing “mooo” all day in both positive and negative tones.
After playing her this song, a friend suggested we watch the YACHT “sex tape” with neither of us knowing the twist. (I am willing to watch pornos with friends for academic purposes, never prurient.) That video in tandem with this video (“what IS the Red Hot Chili Peppers?”) has me convinced there’s no funnier indie band. Not to mention this song is cutely sensual and catchier than it has any right to be.
Hess makes a quick but compelling (and fun!) argument that there’s a reason doggos are the internet’s favored sons right now. And she does it in a way that proves she was there when it all went down, which can’t be said for most of the pundits. Or even most of my friends.
Might as well keep the birthday rap train steaming along given that I never shared this back in October beyond texting it to Olivia (though she did post it on her Facebook wall at the time). It must be wild being my friend. Y’all are so lucky.
listen up yall got a friend named Olivia
birthday call so i’m droppin trivia
she’s way progressive to a point: shivvin ya
she’s downright quick as a fox: vivica
she’s everybody’s only favorite Quakerchic
she called me Birna and the nickname sticked
Livejournal page turna and an improv whiz
acting in plays and giving Jesse shiz
on that InstaQueen level Princess Diana
law to the lawless, reigns from Atlanta
tearin down the system with a fervor that’s rare
it’s why she hides her identity: last name Claire
and if these 27 years sound like fantasy
there’s evidence here:
it happened, a whole fam-i-ly
adopted a Gremlin one eye and tremblin
a gecko named Jucci patterned like Gucci
tattoo legend Michael ceramics gone wild
not the only pot we enjoy just a trifle
all four got that vital love always in cycle
You think you can be better than them? Try to!
party strooooong, Livvy’s worth a parade
or at least a song better than mine from 8th grade