DK64 ABC, “K Rool: Diddy, Tiny, and Chunky Phase – 8xA”


Some frightening genius constructed a tool-assisted run of Donkey Kong 64 in which the A button is pressed as little as possible. This is equivalent of pole-vaulting without a pole. The A button controls functions like jumping and selecting items in menus. Jumping tends to be important in video games.

This is the final video in the series. It’s actually somewhat disappointing, given that it features 8 A button presses after keeping the total down to 38 for the entire rest of the game at 101% completion. I recommend the rest of the vids ahead of this one, but wanted to point out that its finally wrapped and you can watch the entire thing. A favored clip features a technique that would take an absurd number of hours if not sped up and completed by a computer. (Duplicated copies of items are shepherded into one room to generate huge amounts of lag so that damage knockback is prolonged and lends itself to greater distance. It’s elegant.)

There’s no point to this challenge and yet it means everything. Digital asceticism bringing us closer to deus ex machina.

Kent Russell, “It Stinks”

On my way out, downwind from the front entrance, I really got a whiff of the thing. It smelled like an air horn sounds. Like cosmological smelling salt. It smelled like the best poetry, that which helps a man “reclaim substance and sense, and physical and psychological reality.

On the corpse flower’s “indifferent, cosmic energy.”

Kent Russell and John Jeremiah Sullivan war for my humanist non-fiction heart. They’re on another level.

Deskhop, “Damp”

In 2011 the creator of my two favorite mashups of all time (yes #1 is “Easternization” and #2 is “Commodity Fetishism” and u know i’ve listened to many a mashup) released five more tracks and didn’t even think to let me know, letting me randomly Google his name on a hopeful whim. Deskhop, I want to say it publicly and proudly on my tumblr so that nobody can deny it and it won’t be forgotten: you are totally forgiven bro. Still holding on to some of the vestiges of glitch fuckery that was at the forefront of his earlier work, he seems to be cleaning up his act a bit. These five songs all experience momentary bursts of the pristine pop swarmed by the chaos of a malfunctioning computer— the sound that originally drew me to Deskhop.

That said (and since I know he’s read my posts before, long long ago), I kinda want to take a moment and say “hey dude, don’t simplify! keep going bombastic and noisy and shattered-sounding and raw. It defined you for this listener in an era where too many people began to slap one song on another and call it a day.” Let it be known that these “new” tracks are dope! however i am not seeking dopeness but angelic elevation~

Dear Miranda Kerr,

I’m sorry, but the nothing that we have between each other can no longer continue. The deep emotional void that I once shared with you has now redirected itself, and the empty space that I loved so much has been filled (by even more nothingness). I have fallen in ____ with Cara Delevingne, the wonderful (maybe) freaky (perhaps) vivacious (who knows? not me) love-child of Lindsay Lohan and Linda Blair.

I hope that this does not come as too much of a indifference, but I know that Orlando Bloom will love you with just as much lack.

Brian J K Regan, attorney and cop and friend