Archer S03E04 Lines

“Yeah, it’s pretty hard to stay anonymous when you’re the world’s greatest secret agent.”

“Ha! Elaborate voicemail hoax. Leave it.”

“Yeah! Right in the head and ass!”

“Damn! Krieger can’t outrun anything with all that handicap shit!”

“You should get a Bat-Pole.”
“9,000 bucks.”

“I forgot about Hawk!”
“He was part Indian.”

“Oh! Herro!”

“Cuban villains!”

“Wait, was that the same footage?”

“No, we okay~”
“Don’t you TOUCH ME”
“…Is that a ghost?”

“Leave me for some hot little 20 year old? Well I’ll show him, I’ll go find me a 10 year old!”
“Yeah I don’t think you wanna do that…”
“Shut up.”
“Okay. Taxi!”

From Archer S03E03, “Heart of Archness, Pt. 3”

Cheryl: Jeez-O, Lana. Answer your stupid phone.
Pirate (through phone): Hello. Give me Sterling Archer muddah!
Cheryl: (hits hold button) Oh my god, be more Chinese-y. (yells) Pirates! Line two!
Malory: Wha- Well, put them through!
Cheryl: Oh my god, be more I-hate-you. (yells) That’s why your phone is blinking!
Malory: Oh. Hello?
Cheryl: This is Mah-lory Ah-chuhh!

Archer on a pet ocelot

“Okay, but on the way we gotta stop at a toy store and at least get him a stuffed animal. Something.”


“It’s like… Meow-schwitz in there.”