God bless.

[gif reading “mission accomplished”]

hahaha you clutch of morons. go to the Telegraph and search for this article since you’re so devoted to facts and stats. you won’t find it. you’re championing the fake words and ideas of someone (probably a feminist) that were designed to make you look bad. It’s totally a honeypot.

the author photo is Patrick Bateman from American Psycho, a character designed as the extreme sociopath. oh my god, please say  “I didn’t actually believe it, I posted it cause it was a funny idea,” save face, save face, hahahaha

Okay so they say it was an accident but I can’t think of a better way to rattle the Mets pre-game

I want to hang a print of this on my wall.



If you don’t know who or what goatse is, do not click this link. I guarantee you will not find it entertaining nor will you know why it would ever be entertaining to anyone but scallywags, gadabouts and beefkickers.

Like, man, I don’t even want to suggest you look it up, like, if you know what goatse is and why you reflexively puckered, it’s because you were meant to know. Some of us are content to drift between pinning pictures of cupcakes we found on Tumblr and tumbling pictures of cupcakes we found on Pinterest… But you and me? No, no… Sorry. We’re just the type of dudebros who would stumble across goatse.

But hey! (pun intended) Good news! Even though us guys are irrecoverable (in certain circles, searching for an impossible image that could somehow destroy your innocence a second time is referred to as “chasin’ the goatman”), take solace in your condition. Ask yourself if that rectum is half-empty… or half full. And laugh at this goddamn website for about ten minutes straight like I did.

Made by Something Awful user Moose Milkie, it uses a script to replace the last panel of every XKCD comic with The Other Eye of Sauron. It’s internet art of the highest form.

Hint #1: Sometimes the script fucks up locating the final panel. It improves every comic.
Hint #2: Sometimes the comic is only one panel. It may not be obvious yet, but these are the best. Trust.


Buckwheat Groats, “Take Yourself Out Tha Game”

When a buddy showed this to me for the first time yesterday, he explained that it wasn’t popular because it was “kinda dark.” While I’m not about to go bring up suicide as a first date conversation topic, I hadn’t thought about how much it could push people away from watching this. Mostly because I don’t think this video is making fun of suicide. It’s making fun of cloying hip-hop motivationals, breathy and piano-backed, in which the rapper breaks character in order to inspire you back on your feet… When just last song he was rhyming about killing all of his enemies and friends. For those listeners who require authenticity in their musicians, those types of pick-me-ups are a gross violation of their own taste, and deserve to be mocked.

About two hours ago I was talking with a friend about some of our favorite South Park episodes: anything with Mitch Connors, Cartman’s manipulative masterminding handpuppet. It’s not so much that the dialogue gets cranked up courtesy of Mitch, or that the plots are master-crafted, but that Cartman holds conversations with his own hand, and the show goes to such lengths to make it seem like any normal TV back-and-forth while also never breaking the physics of the fact that this kid’s hand is attached to him and doesn’t have a mind of its own. The reason these episodes stand out to me in the 15-or-so seasons of South Park I’ve watched are that they aren’t just well-written, but they are making fun of TV itself. Here its a different medium but the same story: Buckwheat Groats (rap classics Penis Bailey and Lil Dinky) write rhymes that flow and manage a couple surprising punchlines, much like Lonely Island; in the same vein as the self-proclaimed Kings of Joke Rap, Groats are also devoted rap fans who know how to turn the genre on its head.

Kid History 6

I watched one of these yesterday and then all of these yesterday— grown men acting out stories told by children. This one is about eating healthy food. The characters have such expressive faces and lip dubbing.