Dear Miranda Kerr,

I’m sorry, but the nothing that we have between each other can no longer continue. The deep emotional void that I once shared with you has now redirected itself, and the empty space that I loved so much has been filled (by even more nothingness). I have fallen in ____ with Cara Delevingne, the wonderful (maybe) freaky (perhaps) vivacious (who knows? not me) love-child of Lindsay Lohan and Linda Blair.

I hope that this does not come as too much of a indifference, but I know that Orlando Bloom will love you with just as much lack.

Brian J K Regan, attorney and cop and friend

Like oh my guh what ARE YOU?? Lumberjack flannel, constellationary freckles on a not-so-wan complexion, and your hair is like There’s Something About Mary but not silly and not jizzed in. This is one of those situations where she (and, y’know what, on second thought, maybe he) is a girl that I think is beautiful but there’s something about this impression that makes me think we would have overlapping interest in the world.

PS This wasn’t done as a teaching experience, I was actually moved to write about this photo, but, like, this is what you should be doing when you reblog a photo. WRITE SOMETHING. Flex them muscles. Wow I’m clearly in need of a nap.