The New York Times, “Face Tattoos Go Mainstream”

I’ve spent about three weeks telling friends that by the next generation, face tattoos are going to be acceptable. They all scoffed. Good news: I trust old-ass newspapers when it comes to trends more than I do my same-aged friends.

Let’s cover some options:

The Duplitat, meant to confuse and ward off attackers.

Bregashi 7evenZer0, because Tekashi 6ix9ine has 69 tattooed on his body sixty-nine times and I can’t let him win.

Pride Day, because sometimes a Facebook filter just isn’t enough.

Ponce Lyfe, which, unfortunately, I have to wait until he dies before getting it inked. And he will never die, so…

ANTS AAAAANNNNTTTSSSSS

While pulling a beer from my fridge, I looked at my cat and said “Poncey: it’s on-cey.” We’ve been roommates for four years and I’ve never said this before. It was right there all along.

Leaving work today, the housekeeper saw me off with a “Goodbye, be careful!” as she usually does. But before the door closed, I heard “Brian!” And turned back.
“Be careful of, ah-…” She tried to find the words. And she did.
“Beautiful women!”
I told her she had nothing to worry about, they weren’t a threat to me.