Is the opposite of a red flag just a green flag? Why don’t we have a fair opposite to “red flag?”

I don’t think we talk about green flags enough. Because reluctance is a big part of conversations about dating, right? “Yeah, she seems cool, I guess. We’ll see where things go.” I think most of the time we’re falling in love with folks who are merely Okay, like they’re hot enough for you to fear losing them but they’re just generally Acceptable, and a big part of Accepting them is the comfort that they feel similarly about you. Then the red flags are the worst bits of them, the parts that make you say “what if he’s Unacceptable though?” Thenfor fair, healthy reasonsthey’re overlooked in the hopes that they aren’t planted too deep.

But shouldn’t love be about enjoying another person and then seizing onto the qualities that push them above and beyond? When I think of the women I’ve caught feelings for, it’s because I really like them, but then they’re also blowing my mind and making me laugh with these incidental phrases and body language and thoughts. Raising green flags left and right. Sure, shit may be unrequited, but I don’t really get bothered given that I’m excited to feel anything that shoots past my amiability toward all folks.

And dashing out “simultane story respo” off-the-cuff: massive green flag. I admit there’s probably some context missing, that you don’t know her personality and, even if you do know mine, you’ve got no idea how they interplay. Too bad; this is the most erogenous DM I’ve ever received.

Maybe part of the reason that we all end up in loveless relationships glued by inertia is that

When we meet a random person whom we think is hott and their personality doesn’t immediately clash with ours, we spring at a new hope (with the added bonus of a hottness factor) only to see that hope peeled away as you realize, no, this person wasn’t the promise of my hope. But it’s too late, you live together. You have a baby. You divorce and do it again.

But when we think about the prospect of falling in love with an old friend, we consider everything we know about them– we know about their flaws, their fears, their neuroses. We think we can see 5 years down the road when their dream might eventually conflict with yours– you want to stay in Topeka near your parents while he needs to become a chef in Bangkok to feel fulfilled. But it’s just that, it’s a dream, and dreams are meant to be crushed by life.

Dreams are being crushed left and right so you might as well grab ahold of love in the hopes that your dreams and their dreams are no different.

(If this post makes no sense it’s because I started it over a month ago and it’s been sitting open in this tab since then and I’m tired of it. Bye, post. Be free.)

dating in the modern age

A response to this article on Thought Catalog: 18 Ugly Truths About Modern Dating That You Have To Deal With

1. The person who cares less has all the power. Nobody wants to be the one who’s more interested.

Already out the gate with something so blatantly wrong! Has this guy paid attention to any of human history? The man has all the power. (For gays: the pitcher.) Because the man can hit the woman— oh, that’s not it? Then what power are you talking about? Unless you’re talking about beating someone, who gives a shit about “power” when it comes to love? Are you dating Game of Thrones? (Machiavelli would be a dope pick-up artist handle tho)

2. Because we want to show how cavalier and blasé we can be to the other person, little psychological games like ‘Intentionally Take Hours Or Days To Text Back’ will happen. They aren’t fun.

If someone is “cavalier” and “blasé,” I’m going to assume that they’re “rude” and “not interested.” I’m too dense for psychological games. If you play them, then you’re gonna waste energy setting up a whole elaborate chessboard of emotional manipulation only for me to give up on learning all those boring, pointless rules before wandering off in search of someone who’ll join me for, like, regular games (or sexual games [nude Twister, nude paintball, nude sex])

3. A person being carefree because they have zero interest in you looks exactly like a person being carefree because they think you’re amazing & are making a conscious effort to play it cool. Good luck deciphering between the two.

Is it Opposite Day??? Well I guess up is down, I’ll wear my pants inside out, and I’ll pretend not to care for the people I care about desperately hyuk~! Like if behaving the opposite of how you actually feel is your day-to-day play, you have made your standard of living into one of CONSTANT COGNITIVE DISSONANCE. You’re living your life in a fashion opposite to what your brain and heart are telling you? Isn’t that insanely uncomfortable?

4. Making phone calls is a dying art. Chances are, most of your relationship’s communication will happen via text, which is the most detached, impersonal form of interaction. Get familiar with those emoticon options.

Oh no. All of my friends only text me. I’m trapped. In this talkless void. Will I ever converse again. I am forgetting how to talk. Curse this texting-brick in my hand, if only it had a function where I could use my voice to talk to people. What I would give for a “telling-fone” or even the chance to use a text message to set up a face-to-face meeting, but this is the future where we all permanently live in 4×4 steel cubes with only our texting-bricks and nothing more.

5. Set plans are dead. People have options and up-to-the-minute updates on their friends (or other potential romantic interests) whereabouts thanks to texts & social media. If you aren’t the top priority, your invitation to spend time will be given a “Maybe” or “I’ll let you know” and the deciding factor(s) will be if that person has offers more fun/interesting than you on the table.

Lol this guy actually thinks that he should be the most interesting/fun thing in his friends’ life. “WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU WON SUPERBOWL TICKETS—WE WERE GOING TO THE TACO TRUCK ON SUNDAY.” It should be pretty obvious if someone doesn’t want to hang out with you. Biggest clue? They’re never near you for any reason.

6. Someone who hurt you isn’t automatically going to have bad karma. At least not in the immediate future. I know it only seems fair, but sometimes people cheat and betray and move on happily while the person they left is in shambles.

you’re telling me Carrie was fiction??????

Life isn’t fair. what else is new

7. The only difference between your actions being romantic and creepy is how attractive the other person finds you. That’s it, that’s all.

True! Because the words define differing states of emotional intimacy. It is as difficult to be romantic to a stranger as it is to be creepy to a lover. But yeah so that’s just old truthful dictionary entries, not a modern truth.

8. “Let’s chill” & “Wanna hang out?” are vague phrases that likely mean “let’s hookup” — and while you probably hate receiving them, they’re the common way to invite someone to spend time these days, and appear to be here to stay.

Wait a sec, so you’re telling me that every time I’ve invited a girl to “hang out” or “chill” with me, she’s arrived at the rendezvous expecting a one-way bullet train ticket to Sexingville? (pop. 2). You know, if you’re ever confused if someone wants to hook up, you can ask them “do you want to hook up?” Cause then you don’t have to stress about it and, should you guys ride the monorail straight to Penetratopia, you have written consent protecting you from rape accusations!

9. Some people just want to hookup and if you’re seeking more than sex, they won’t tell you that they’re the wrong person for you. At least, not until after they score your prize. While human decency is ideal, honesty isn’t mandatory.

I imagine the author of this piece waking up next to a girl on a Saturday morning, realizing what’s happened, and leaping up out of bed, exclaiming “I’VE SCORED YOUR PRIIIIIIIIIIIIIiiiiZE!” as he flees out the front door.

haha oh man any girl who thinks fucking me is a “prize” really needs to get her priorities in order

10. The text message you sent went through. If they didn’t respond, it wasn’t because of malfunctioning phone carrier services.

Or they forgot. Or their phone broke. Or they were driving when they got the text. Or they’re asleep. Or they’re angry at you. Or they’re sad. Or they went to jail. Or they lost their phone. Or the battery’s dead. Or they’re eating. Or you’re not worth their time. Or they’re not worth your time. Huh, funny how that works. I mean, if someone doesn’t text me back then I guess they aren’t talking to me so I guess I won’t talk to them.

11. So many people are scared of commitment and being official that they’ll remain in a label-free relationship, which blurs lines and only works until it doesn’t. I’ve said it many times before, I’ll say it again – “we’re just talking” is opening the door for cheating that technically wasn’t cheating because, hey, you weren’t together together.

“SO MANY PEOPLE ARE SCARED OF COMMITMENT” says the dude who fails to acknowledge every existing couple. Is everyone single afraid of going official? If so, how do single people ever start dating? HAVE WE HIT PEAK RELATIONSHIPS? IT’S ALL DOWNHILL FROM HERE human extinction begins not with a bang, but a whimper (the whimper of awkward singles)

12. Social media creates new temptations and opportunities to cheat. The private messaging and options for subtle flirtation (e.g. liking of pictures) aren’t an excuse or validation for cheating, but they certainly increase the chances of it happening.

Jesus christ here’s a much better relationship tip: if you are in a happy relationship and you’re browsing facebook and you see someone’s picture and you’re like “yeah, I’m gonna Like this photo and she’ll know I’m dtf” then end your fucking sexless boring relationship that’s constructed entirely on the fear of a little instability. You’re like a 47 year-old suburban father in a 20-something’s ripped bod, just break up with this person you obviously don’t care about and go prowl on those Facebook people you like! You like them more than the person you’re dating! Don’t just Like their pictures, get single and go like their life! Damn yall.

13. Social media can also create the illusion of having options, which leads to people looking at Facebook as an attractive people menu instead of a means of keeping contact with friends & family.

Hahahaha “the illusion of having options” like you’re browsing Facebook and developing this fantasy of being able to fuck everybody you see—social media can also apparently create a dangerously narcissistic outlook on life.

14. You aren’t likely to see much of someone’s genuine, unfiltered self until you’re in an actual relationship with him or her. Generally people are scared that sincerely putting themselves out there will result in finding out that they’re too available, too anxious, too nerdy, too nice, too safe, too boring, not funny enough, not pretty enough, not some other person enough to be embraced.

I agree. And this is the definition of dating since dating was invented to replace raping. Even when you give me a truth, it’s not modern.

15. Any person you get romantically involved with you’ll either wind up staying with forever or breaking up with them at some point. These are equally terrifying concepts.

Yes this is the futility and nothingness of life, all love ends in sadness necessarily. This isn’t new. This is basic existentialism. I’ll either die as I plan or die accidentally, doesn’t mean I should stop living for fear of not knowing which.

16. When dating, instead of expressing how they feel directly to you, a person is more likely to post a Facebook status or Instagram a Tumblr-esque photo of a sunset with a quote or song lyric of someone else’s words on it, and while it may not mention your name, it’s blatantly directed at you.

Yo someone needs to take a look at the author’s internet history because he’s clearly dating 13 year-olds. This is literally what I did on AIM when I was a pre-teen

17. There are plenty of people who’ll have zero respect for your relationship and if they want the person you’re with, they’ll have no qualms with trying to overstep boundaries to get to ‘em. Girl code and guy code are wishful thinking and human code isn’t embedded in everyone.

“There are plenty of stronger apes out there, completely capable of tearing your mate from your grasp and slinging her across their broad shoulders. Unfortunately, there’s nothing you can do. Just remember: your partner also has no choice in the matter. Both of you are helpless and your simian brains cannot make decisions. I’m David Attenborough, with BBC’s Planet Earth

18. If you get dumped, it’s probably going to be pretty brutal. People can cut ties over the phone and avoid seeing the tears stream down your face or end things via text and avoid hearing the pain in your cracking voice and sniffling nose. Send a lengthy text and voilà, relationship over. The easy way out is far from the most considerate.

“The easy way out is far from the most considerate.” Ohhhh my god dude you’re so close, you’ve almost got it, I hate how close you are and you end it there. You can sum up this entire piece, you could give us readers something to grow off, I think you can avoid these “truths” altogether. If inconsiderate people take the easy way out, you shouldn’t get involved with inconsiderate people. And maybe it takes awhile to figure out someone’s inconsiderate, or maybe someone you’re close to becomes inconsiderate over time, but you can’t be blamed for that.

but as always take anything I write with a grain of salt because nobody loves me