Pitchfork, “Nintendo 64’s Hidden Musical Gems”

It’s upsetting to think that if I had focused more on critical writing or plied some NY internships a bit more, publications might be tapping me to write articles like this (or at least I’d feel confident enough in my talents that I’d write ’em on my own and shop ’em around). But nope! I’m stickin’ to jokes. At least I get to read the strong videogame music analysis that I’ve desired since I was approximately 11 years old.

Kairos: The Slow

With this in mind I build a spiral track on the biggest map. The train comes out of the station and hits breaks with slow it down to 4mph. then it travels along the track, always losing speed but never stopping, until it gets to the center. where it rolls back and does the spiral again until it gets back to the station. Calculations show that it would take 210 days to finish. not in game days. real life days.

Perhaps you chucked guests into the scenic lakes of your theme park in Rollercoaster Tycoon just to watch them struggle and fail, but this is some next level sadism.

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I don’t know, Book about Zelda, why don’t you tell me, BOOK ABOUT ZELDA?