A Vote For Biden is a Vote for Spite

There are many people who feel like our political system has failed them. “A vote for Biden and a vote for Trump are both votes for America’s status quo, and I refuse to endorse America.”

If you’ve accepted the idea that the act of voting supports the system that brought us to this brink, then you believe that voting is bad. But on the flip side, abstaining from a vote isn’t a tactic. It’s nothing. (I wrote about that angle four years ago if you feel like taking a long scroll.) Can we improve those outcomes beyond “bad” and “nothing?”

I’d like to think so! There may be other value to voting that appeals to you, one that gives you a “good” reason to vote that outweighs your guilt for doing the “bad” thing of voting.

One fun suggestion– SPITE!

Across the ideological spectrum, people hate Trump. I’m certain there are avowed neo-Nazis who say they love what he’s doing but they can tell he’s a loutish, pathetic asshole. You’d leave any conversation with him feeling bored or attacked; supporters who enjoy “him” are enjoying what he represents, Trump the Man is not enjoyable. He’s living evidence of where cruelty and money can get you. America allows a man like him to succeed, and America sucks for that, no doubt! But if we agree to handle that elsewhere, we can focus on what still feels good about voting.

Voting against Trump is the best chance you’ve got to be a dick to him. He doesn’t read Twitter replies, he doesn’t pound his fist at spying a witty protest sign on the news, you can’t get within a slap’s reach. He’s inoculated from us rando Americans saying “hey buddy fuck you.”

My voting history is all over the place– no need to delve into it here, rest assured I made brilliant decisions you’d have no choice but to respect. One of several reasons (again, all genius) that I’m voting for Biden is that I really love the idea of Trump losing!

Election Night 2020: Trump is down by 15% on what polls suggested, and that gap is expanding. The writing is on the wall. New York prosecutors are going to drop indictments on his entire family on January 21. He’s the biggest loser in world history, and his failure will be remembered for centuries (if we make it that far). This grand failure will be the worst thing that happens to everyone in the Trump administration, and it will stain their interpersonal relationships (it may cause bankruptcies and end marriages!), and they will never forget it. Your ICE-loving, Hannity-hooting step-father is weeping, and this is funny and pleasant.

For Trump, the plan all along was to claim the election was rigged and seize control of the country. He’s ready to announce as much to the nation. But the shame and humiliation of the night, peaking in that moment, leads to a greater stress than he’s ever experienced: he has to run the country knowing that even with all his cheating and rancor, 70% of America hates him. Anticipating his next four days, four weeks, four years, raises his heart rate. His blood pressure spikes, neurons are demanded to fire faster than his atrophied brain will allow; from his election war room, following in the esteemed Dr. Ron Paul’s footsteps, he strokes out on live Fox News. Dead within minutes.

It’s fantastical, but it’s one outcome on an infinite scale that is made ever more possible by your vote. This scenario can happen, the numbers for a 70/30 win are there, just turn out enough “fuck you” votes and suppress enough “I love race war” votes. And then we can all agree that Trump’s body is one mistimed hiccup from shutting down.

If you’re blackpilled, a doomer, if you don’t see how we make it through climate change regardless of this November: you can still make the people who did this to us feel bad. You can punish your enemies. How often do you get that opportunity?

Each scandal of the Trump presidency is crystallizing what it takes to oust him.

Once more, Trump tells us that what could very well be an act of malfeasance is actually a silly mistake— Sessions “could have stated his response more accurately, but it was clearly not intentional.” Whoopsie-daisy, Baby Jeffy did an uh-oh!

It’s the same timbre of a friend of yours asking you for the benefit of the doubt. And it works for his constituents. If your friend admits to human error, you typically let it slide, right? “Ah, sorry, forgot that I owe you $20. I’ll have it next time!” Sure, okay. The fact that we bro down will probably always be worth more than that $20. It’s important to have friends, and so they get leeway. Authority figures, like cops, schoolteachers, politicians— they get (and obviously deserve!) less.

But if George W. Bush was the president you could drink a beer with, Trump is the president you get drunk with. His fans have already done just that, weekly, seasonally, on their sofas in front of The Apprentice. He’s their friend, the same way we watch the Kardashians and insist we’d be instant bffs upon meeting (I’m def changing my name to “Krian”), the same way I watch Parks and Recreation with the assurance the ensemble would hate me (no wait i should probably go with “Crian”)— we get really personal with the characters we enjoy, and never has a president held such a “personal” connection with his intended audience and key demos. And how do they take it?

Mr. Sessions forgot TWO meetings with a single Russian? That’s nothin. Hell I’ve forgotten at least three job interviews this year!
*wedges chaw in gumline*
Sometimes I even “forget” to pay my tab at the Waffle House!
*guffaws, shoves chaw nugget in nostril*
Them boys’re just doing the best they can up there in the White House. Lord knows I’d have a tough time of it, and I’m the smartest one in this whole holler!
*stores a loaded handgun within easy reach of his twin toddlers: Jenkem Jr. and Big Pup*
Yep us three are the only ones who ain’t trickled away yet after the perpetual coalfire kicked off in the mine 60 years ago. The last’a Centralia!
*tear ducts leak a dipspit & Dew slurry*
anyway i’m unemployed because Obummer executive ordered it. rail me trump-daddy

I’m not sure how this relationship lends itself to new strategy for the opposition. I just think we’ll see, again and again, requests for us to forgive the Trump administration for human error, even though we really really really really need our president to be better than all of us. Our president should be inhuman in her perfection.

It’s great that Sessions recused himself, I didn’t expect anything to come of his Russia revelation.
But in order to be convincing and not just an obstruction, we gotta prove willful malevolence. Anything else looks like drama-fueled nitpicking from another clique across the lunchroom, an attack on semantics meant to be heard by people who are more likely to make a joke about semen-tics than listen to you. We need to find Trump’s secret Burn Book and then paste photocopies up and down the hallway lockers for all the rubes to see. Nothing else will drive a wedge into the bonhomie between prom king and pals.

until they begin dying off in droves without healthcare or money or food or compassion and get a lot less Mean Girls and a lot more Carrie 😈
 

Dear Coquette: On being undecided

dearcoquette:

What if I’ve decided to not vote for either candidate for President? I deeply believe in the democratic system but can’t bring myself to stand behind either candidate. Am I wrong for thinking that I’m better off voting for a third-party candidate, even though ultimately it won’t change the…

While I agree with Coke Talk, I’d also like to speak to another idea: every vote does count. If you vote for Obama in Georgia, he may be handily trounced by the Republicans throughout the state, but you’re still demonstrating that it’s worth campaigning there. You’re showing Democrats that, hey, if you move to Georgia at some point in the future, there will be at least some likeminded folks, and you can find them in these counties with these proportions. Your vote demonstrates to yourself and those around you that you care, and creates added pressure on you/your community to maintain the tradition of voting in future elections.

And the effect of all of this is compounded by voting for an alternate candidate that stands for what you stand for.

Dear Coquette: On being undecided